Cukoo Ca-Choo Cooties

While I am very serious about helping Dads and Dads-to-be, I was torn about my first real foray into a subject matter. At heart, I am a smart alec. Normally, I would go with smart a**. But as you become a father, you really do learn about censorship. Censorship of yourself. I try very hard not to swear around my sons. I believe I have a very high percentage of restraint. I blame all the bad words my son learn on my wife and her friends. A couple of her pals would make a long shoreman blush.

So why choose Cooties as my first subject? Every knows what Cooties are. Or at least they think they do. Adults always remember them with a chuckle. But could you state a definition of a Cootie? Could you come up with just one or two sentences to accurately describe Cooties?

This subject came up about 4 months ago with my oldest son. He refused to sit on the same couch as his mother because he didn't want to get Cooties.

I asked him, "So what exactly are Cooties?"

To which he smiled and answered, "I don't know. But girls have them and they are gross!"

I cracked up. I think that's the best way I have heard the subject put. Kids tend to give you honest answers......to the questions you really don't care about the answers to. Don't delude yourself, kids know when to hold back or to fudge the truth. They can sense when trouble looms large. And when you call them on bending the truth, the standard answer is, "I know, I was only joking."

Now, I only have sons but I imagine girls would give the same answer about Cooties. I will have to quiz my friends RJ and Pistol, or my brother in-law, whom all have girls. Some girls may say that boys have them, but I seem to recall being chased around the playground at recess by girls wanting to give me Cooties. I am certain that I escaped my childhood without contracting Cooties. But those girls certainly put up a good fight! Fortunately I blessed with some speed. Of course if I had been smart, I would have let them catch me a lot sooner.

I am not sure at what age girls no longer have Cooties. But I told my son that his mother grew out of them and she no longer had Cooties. He seemed to buy that but he asked me, "How old was Mom when she got rid of her Cooties?"

"30"

"OK"

I really hope it was long before then, otherwise I may have been infected without knowing it. Wouldn't life be great if the worst thing you caught from girls were Cooties?

Since the time my son first broached the subject of Cooties, he has now proclaimed that he has a girlfriend. Maybe girls get rid of Cooties early than I thought? Or maybe my son is just a lot smarter than the old man? Good for him.