Scrub Up

Guys. Listen. You are going to birthing class. You might as well accept it. Peel it off in one swipe, like a band-aid. If I could have done it all in one shot I would have. I ended up in two half day classes on successive Saturdays. So all in all, not too bad.

Do you get anything useful out of it? Eh. It's up for debate. It all about the comfort factor. The comfort that you and the Mommy to be, feel like you did something to prep for the big event. You did your due diligence.

It gets pretty graphic. I won't lie to you. But it pales in comparison to the live event. So Cowboy Up!

One take is that it is a big sell job. The breathing. The ice chips. The cool face clothe. The timing of the contractions with the stop watch.........It's all cr*p! It's the fairy tale of the delivery story.

Our birthing instructor was actually a bit of a naturalist. And by that, I mean a hippie. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but one suggestion was for the pregnant woman to take a walk and lean against a tree, to be at one with nature. Demi would have ripped my head off, if I had said, "hey, let's go find a tree."

But I digress. The old bait and switch. That's where I was going with this. The class makes it sound like this neat and organized process. Bubkis. It's mayhem. The doctors and nursed just learn to adapt. Dads, you are just along for the ride. If ever you were going to use the "yes dear" approach, now would be the time. Don't think. Just do.

Focal point? Demi didn't open her eyes for the hour and a half of active labor. And by the time that set in, she had already told me to "get that thing out of my face."

Rhythmic breathing? As long as both are breathing, you are in the game. Long, short, erratic, whatever. You try to get her to breathe in rhythm and you are taking your life into your own hands.

Ice Chips? Other than to get the dad out of the room, I think they serve no real purpose. They formed a nice puddle on the nightstand though.

Cool face clothe? Toss up. Early on I think Demi got some comfort out of it. But again, into active labor...."don't touch me".

"Get the nurse." Fellas. Haul a** and get the nurse. A) again you are risking your well being B) Do you really want to play Jason Varitek? I had a doctor by me and I still had to scrub up to back up first base in case of an overthrow.

This is the biggest job of your life. I can't provide you a to do list, checklist, or handbook. Be ready for anything. Don't think, just do. Revert back to your childhood and play army. You are the private. Snap to and obey the orders of the General. It is really best for everybody. Good luck.